Confession:

OK. I have just realized that as a blogger I'm a total flunkee. I always have things to say, don't be fooled. (probably too many things to say actually.) But somehow translated to the computer, it's more of a task. I guess all that dog-gone typing. I just said, "dog-gone," and while I was just kidding, it still makes me afraid, so now I'm changing the subject.

God transformed me this weekend ("transformers--more than meets the eye!") during Wabi-Sabi. These past couple days I'm feeling the effects of what God showed me like a wave rolling back. Saturday night was the Interactive Worship and by some fluke, I ended up helping my sweet friend Erika to set up her room for foot-washing and prayer. For some reason, I felt moved to stay, and we prayed over total strangers and I felt communion with the Father as I have never experienced before. Power. Healing. I felt the presence of the holy spirit Friday night at the bonfire/tent/etc. activities, but Saturday night, I felt direct communion with the Father, and it was the first time I've experienced a real difference between the two. Miraculous. It was in the act of serving others by interceding for people in a small candle-lit room while my dear friend Erika washed their feet. God gave her very specific things to pray for people and many of them, yes, complete grown men in fact, began weeping as we went before the Father. There are no true nor accurate words to describe it. It changed me.

As I went back to school on Monday, I felt different. The only way I can try to word it is that it felt like God had created more space in my being to contain empathy for others--especially strangers. I found out something shocking first thing in the morning and for the rest of the day I felt a tightness in my throat as if I had cried for hours the night before. I found out that on Friday afternoon, right after the last bell rang, a teenage girl at Reagan High School was stabbed and killed by her ex-boyfriend in front of a whole crowd of students and teachers. I was in disbelief when I heard. I began to pray continually for the families of the girl, the boy, and any of the people this tragedy touched. This is the first time anything like this has happened at any school campus in Austin. Reagan High School is the school my students from Dobie feed into when they go on to 9th grade, so many of the teachers and students knew these kids. Liliane, my partner-teacher who is right next door to me and probably my best friend at school had this boy, who committed the murder, two years ago as a student in her class. She was completely dumbfounded. I think we all just have a false sense of security in thinking something like that can just never happen so close. I don't know what else to say about this because I literally feel so grief-stricken. Please pray for everyone touched by this.

After talking about this with my kids who had been hearing about it, I walked back to the main building from my portable classroom and noticed a guy on the basketball court playing ball with his son who couldn't have been more than 3. The toddler would go after the ball and it was a challenge for him to get a good grip on it, let alone, try to throw it. The dad would hold the little boy up to the basket and he would try to put it in. I just stopped right where I was to watch for a few minutes. I wondered if this family knew the kids from Reagan. I thought about kids in the ghetto today growing up without any positive roads. About how there are so few healthy models for relationships for young people. By living, it is a given that we will encounter suffering, the only difference is, how much.

Then, last night, Nathan, Stacy, Jeremiah and I went to see Sigur Ros and I just felt worship. I felt as if Sigur Ros was playing the music that the rocks would cry out if we did not. Redemptive worship. God is the only source of true healing.