I had a relapse.

That's right. Tonight, I fell off the wagon and watched the final four perform on American Idol.
I broke up with Idol months ago, but tonight I was weak. I felt myself giving in, and I couldn't say no.

That, and the only other things on are Dateline, George Lopez, U.S. Poker, Tori and Dean: Inn Love, Cops, and Flavor of Love. I know what you're thinking. Why am I not watching Tori and Dean? Because that's hard-hitting, quality reality television. I know, I know. But it's a rerun and I've already seen it.

What to do if you still haven't heard back about a job you really, really want.

1. Unwrap four Dove dark chocolate pieces. Put in a ramekin.

2. Add a couple of spoonfuls of your favorite peanut butter.

3. Heat in fifteen-second intervals at 50% power in microwave. Stir between each fifteen-second interval.

4. When thoroughly melted, drizzle over a gigantic single scoop of Dreyer's Slow Churned Vanilla ice cream.

5. Ahhhhh. Job? What job?

We'll see.

Because I'm not so sure I'm going to get the job at the new school that I reeeeaaaalllly want. The interview went pretty well. They were poker-faced for the most part, so it was hard to tell.

I should know for sure before May 1. I hope to find out before that, like in the next week or so. I know they're on a fast timeframe, and if I have to wait the full two weeks to find out, I might lose it. I know that I have so much to offer, but I also might not be the most "attractive candidate." For example, I don't have my masters, I've taught for under 10 years, I've only taught in two different districts, stuff like that. I hope they can see through all that to my strengths.

I also found out in the interview that over 100 teachers applied for a transfer within the district alone, not to mention anyone coming in from out of the district or out of the state. I looked up the available positions, and it looks like they need to hire between 20 and 25 people, with about three different positions that I could be offered. You do the math.

I feel a little discouraged, but I still think I have a chance. If I don't get in this year, I do plan to try next year. But for moment, I'm still trying to think positive. Because you never know.

Things are good.

Very, very good.

1. The dogs are better, and running around playing Growl Game like nothing ever happened.

2. I got another request for the first 20 pages of my manuscript, which I am sending out tomorrow. This request came from a long-established literary agency in New York, (which represented John Steinbeck!), and when I read the request letter, I started crying.

3. On Saturday, I have an interview for a teaching position at another school here in Austin, and if I land it, I will pretty much consider it my dream job. Other than writing full time. So I guess it would be my dream teaching job. I don't want to say anything else about where it is or anything, because I don't want to jinx myself. More on that later.

4. We bought a "Gazelle" on Craigslist about a week ago. You've seen the infomercials, I'm sure. It's that gliding workout machine with that crazy dude Tony Little, who says, "You can do iiiiiit!" We've used it every single day since we picked it up. I like it because it's fun. Nathan likes it because it doesn't strain his back. We both like it because we can workout inside. If you've ever spent a summer in Texas, you know that cardio outdoors is not for the weak of heart.

5. The infamous TAKS test is coming up not this week, but next, and I feel ready for it. Or rather, I feel my kids are ready for it.
After the test, it's a mad rush to summer, which is always a beautiful thing.

Another two responses from agents today in the mail.

One said, "I'm sorry. I must pass." Which was at least handwritten. I appreciate that.

One said, "If you have not already secured representation, we would be pleased to consider your manuscript for possible representation." I am SO happy right now. I am grinning. I'm even breaking my diet to have a celebratory pale ale. Nathan made delicioso meatballs and both my dogs are healthy and happy. Did I mention that I'M happy for that matter?

Still stuck.

That's me. Stuck. Trying to revise the end of my book as suggested by my hopefully-would-be agent.

It's not working.

I'm tired.
And also sick.
Not the normal "sick and tired" that you've probably heard a teacher or parent speak of, oh no. I mean tired and sick.
The tired is from not sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time because of Maisy, our still-new puppy. She has taught me that even if you sleep as many as nine hours in a single night, you can still feel like a zombie.

On to the sick.
I have something. I don't know what it is. It feels like a mash-up of the flu with a sinus infection I had two years ago. Add in massive allergies, like those hazy people in the Claritin commercials. Only the really annoying thing is that I'm not that sick. I'm just sick enough to feel like crap if I go to work, but bored if I stay home. This pretty much sucks. I hope that whatever I have, it's the 24-hour stuff.

Thank you to Nathan for pointing out that I can use my bored sick day tomorrow to work on revisions.

Violet...the Lost Chapter

So, an update. I am not done with my first book. I thought I was. I am already hard at work on the second book. But that's beside the point.

The agent who asked to see my whole manuscript really likes it. She also really likes the idea of a series, BUT she still thinks the end of my book needs to be more fleshed out. I can see her point, but it's frustrating, to put it lightly. I keep telling myself, SHE is the expert. And maybe I'm too close to the material to really see the whole picture. And Nathan and I did agree that the end was like a mad dash. (I mean, you should have seen my first draft, it defined the expression "bare bones.") And while some things can be left up in the air, it still needs to feel resolved. It may be one part of a series, but it should still feel like a complete book. Duh.

Soooooo, all that to say, I am writing the lost chapter of Violet. Not a chapter that I intend to tack onto the end of the book, oh no. I'm strategically writing it as the next to last chapter, and keeping my final chapter pretty much as is. I hope that my first draft will be done by the end of this week, and then I can send a revised ending to the aforementioned agent.

This is quite a process. Have I already said that?

More good news for Violet.

Today I got an email from my potential agent who said that she loves my manuscript (yay!) but that it's not done (well, true!) and she asked me to think about writing 2-3 chapters to complete the book.
I sent her back an email that apologized for neglecting to mention (oops!) that I'm planning this as the first installment in a series.
I also told her that I'm working on my second book, which (thank goodness!) I've already begun.

I'll let you guys know what she says from there. She might not be interested, but I'm thinking good thoughts and listening to lots of Beyonce.

I'm partway through Steven King's On Writing,

which is one of the best, if not THE BEST, book I've read on the subject. Until this morning, when I came upon a terrifying suggestion from Mr. King. (It has nothing to do with the genre of horror, either.)

He strongly suggests that I stop watching TV if I want to get serious about being a writer. I repeat, STOP watching TV.

I have a list of reasons why I should continue to watch TV on a regular basis. I mean, doesn't TV give me material for my writing? Shouldn't I stay updated on current events, not to mention have exposure to teenage cultural icons, which I need if I'm going to keep writing young adult fiction???

Maybe.

But I have to admit, Mr. King makes a good point. If I devoted all the time I spend watching TV every week to reading and writing, I would probably be twice as productive.

But I also know me. And I know that I can't give TV up completely. So I made another list. This is a list of the TV shows I'm going to watch. The only ones I will watch from now on:
1. The Sarah Silverman Program (So funny, so politically incorrect, I love it.)
2. The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency (I know, I know... But I'm totally addicted.)
3. Whatever "Top" show happens to be on (Top Design, Top Chef, Project Runway, etc.)
4. The Simpsons (which will give me more than enough cultural fodder, plus come on, it's genius.)
5. Best Week Ever (which will also fill me in on the best moments from all the reality shows I'm not watching anymore!)

You don't see American Idol listed here, because it comes on three nights a week and sometimes runs for two hours at a time and is (in the words of Lelaina Pierce) a "Master at the Art of Time Suckage."
If I really want to know the status of my favorites, like Melinda Doolittle, I can check the website to see if they make it to the next round. So I'm quitting Idol. We had a good thing going--while it lasted. But it just wasn't meant to be.

I also want to say right here and now that I reserve the right to swap shows, like if one of my selected programs ends a season, or gets cancelled. But I WILL agree to replace it with another show of the same length, be it a 30-minute show or an hour-long show, or if we ever get HBO again, sometimes they have weird lengths, like 42 minutes or something.

I know I may stray from my commitment, but I feel good about it. One thing I probably should have done is wait until AFTER spring break to make this decision, but oh well. Think how far I'll get in my second book. I already have the first page, but not much else. More on that later.

In other news, the agent (who I've given an exclusive) will receive my full manuscript in the next few days. Then, she has two weeks to decide if she wants to represent me and shop me to a publisher. I'll let you know the news as soon as I find out. Keep your fingers crossed!

Awhile back, Erika "tagged" me.

She confessed six weird things about herself, and then asked six other people to confess weird things about themselves. This was a little like a chain letter, which I normally am against. But, it's Erika, who I love, and so I'm going to participate. Also, Nathan and Stacy already wrote their lists, and I don't want to be left out.

Six weird things about me:
(And I know there are way more than six, because I'm so neurotic, but here are six off the top of my head.)

1. I'm a loud chewer (according to Nathan) Don't misunderstand. I know my manners, and I chew with my mouth closed. But Nathan insists that I'm a loud chewer.

2. I either squeal or gasp in pleasure when I see SJP on TV. This reaction is totally involuntary, and it even happens when I see her in a commercial for crappy hair color.

3. Sometimes when I'm alone, I pretend that someone famous (like Oprah) is interviewing me about my book, and I answer her questions out loud.

4. My most comfortable way to sleep is flat on my back, with my arms at my sides, like a total Stepford wife or something.

5. I can spell most difficult words, but mess up on really easy ones, making the same mistakes I've made since elementary school. Some examples include: monthes, calander, and tons of words that end in "tion" because I mix it up with "sion," like extention. I spell check everything and use my dictionary widget on a daily basis.

6. I always save the very last message on my phone from Nathan, even if it's just a message about DVRing Battlestar Galactica, on the off chance that something tragic might happen to him. I'm really bad about doing this when he goes out of town. I'm typically not a morbid person. Well, except for this one thing.

Maisy, if you want me to love you, you have to stop peeing in the house.

This is what I actually said to Maisy just a few moments ago. It might sound cold. It might sound callous. (I know they pretty much mean the same thing, but I like the alliteration.)

We knew this would be a long road. Why else did we buy a new, fabulous, hand-held carpet shampooer? But, that doesn't mean I want to use it every twenty minutes.

I think I can speak for Nathan on this subject, without even asking him.

Even more good news for Violet.

After reading my next 25 pages, the literary agent who may potentially represent me, asked for the FULL MANUSCRIPT and an "EXCLUSIVE."

An exclusive means that I only show the whole book to her for a specific amount of time (approx. 3-4 weeks) and then she'll let me know if she wants to represent the project. I went ahead and emailed the other agents I had queried to let them know that I had a request for the entire manuscript as well as an exclusive. The reason you're supposed to let them know is to create interest and hopefully bring your query to the top of the pile. It's the equivalent of saying, "I'm great! Look at me! You want me!" or something like that.

This week, I'm going to go ahead with the exclusive. Then, while we're waiting, responses will be trickling in. They will most likely be rejections (I'm not being modest; I'm being realistic) and that will be fine. If any come back positive, I can let them know that another agent has an exclusive, but that I can give THEM an exclusive after that point. Then, we can try to see who feels like the best fit and/or can negotiate the best deal.

For the record, I'm still in shock.

Uncork the champagne, baby!

OK. I'm a little freaked out.

I sent out my first round of query letters to my first ten agents. Half of them I met this summer at a writers' conference, and they asked for me to send my synopsis and first three chapters when my book was complete. Two out of ten prefer email submissions, so I emailed them yesterday. The other eight I sent off today, on my way home from school.

I didn't expect to get an email response today. But I did, from both agents. One said, "Thanks for your query, but this doesn't sound right for us." I was expecting that. I was ready. I was NOT expecting the other one to say, "Dear Amy: I like this. Send me the next 25 pages. Look forward to the read." But it did.

No, it's not a deal, but it's the next step forward. And it's a step I didn't expect so soon. So, we're celebrating tonight.

Don't worry--I'll keep everyone up to date. At the rate I'm going, I'll be on my book tour by the end of the year.

I'd like to call this series "White Doggies on a Red Couch"

Interesting facts about Maisy

Number of days we've had her: 6

Average number of times we take Maisy out to pee per day: 14 times, I counted! (5:30 a.m., 6:15 a.m., 7:00 a.m., 7:45 a.m., 12:00 p.m., 4:30 p.m. and in increments of 45 minutes thereafter up until 10:30/11:00 p.m.)

Highest number of times Maisy has peed in the house in a single day: 4

Fewest number of times Maisy has peed in the house in a single day: 0

Total number of days Maisy has not peed in the house: 2, not consecutive

Number of long walks with both doggies: 3

Cutest puppy habit: Tie between falling asleep frequently and getting the hiccups

Grossest puppy habit that I totally forgot, since Abigail doesn't do this anymore: Eating other dog's poo found outside

What I keep accidently calling her: Mabey (combination Abigail/Maisy)

Number of times I've had to scold Maisy: too many to count

Number of times Abigail looks distressed when Maisy is scolded: see above

Number of times I've had to reassure Abigail after her distress: see above

Total number of times Maisy has not cried when put in her crate: 4

Total number of times Maisy has put HERSELF in her crate at bedtime: 1

Songs Maisy likes, in case she does cry, to which she will stop crying: Killing Me Softly, Fugees cover of Roberta Flack; On Top of Spaghetti, artist unknown; Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

JUST IN: Number of times Maisy has scratched at the door to go outside and pee: 1!!!!

I have to tell you about how Nathan just broke our ceiling fan.

Tonight, in the midst of the fantastic spectacle that is American Idol, Nathan got, well, a little carried away doing a Bo Bice impression when he grabbed our beige, velour throw from the couch, which probably weighs close to five pounds (the throw, not the couch) and put it on his head, flinging it around like hair, singing Bo's version of "I Don't Want to Be," that crappy Gavin Degraw song, a.k.a. the theme song from One Tree Hill.

The impression lasted a glorious 15 seconds, before the blanket whipped to the ceiling, breaking off one of the spokes of the fan, sending it spiralling across the room. It was pretty awesome. But if the fan had been on, it probably would have killed me.

My book is finished! Well...mostly.

Yes, you read correctly. I finished the last chapter of my book this last week!

The only problem is, I can tell there are some things that need re-tweaking. This may come from the fact that all the beginning and middle chapters have been revised SO MANY times, and the latest ones at the end are still a bit rough.
Right now I am in the process of reworking the last few chapters, adding pieces that may be missing, and slowing down the pacing, to make sure it really matches the rest of the book.
Not too difficult, because all that really means is that I'm expanding what's already there, adding little scenes or lengthening the amount of dialogue, etc.

My goal now is to really have a strong, basically "finished" draft in the next two weeks. I also need to put together my proposal package, with query letter, synopsis, and all that. As of now, the game plan is to send out proposals to ten different agents every six weeks. I'm bracing myself for lots and lots of rejection letters. Honestly, that's just part of the process. I know that my writing is strong enough that eventually someone will be interested in picking me up. My optimistic outlook says it's only a matter of time.

It's January 3, 2007 and

1. I am nearing the end of my book. It really feels like that final sprint that you go into at the end of a race, which I've only heard other people talk about. I have just under 30,000 words/126 pages. My original goal was to be done by the end of 2006. My new goal is to be done by the time I go back to teaching, which is Tuesday, six days away. I'll let everyone know when it's done--don't worry.

2. In the meantime, I can't get enough of the America's Next Top Model mega-marathon on VH1, which I shamelessly subject Nathan and Abigail to. I won't let it keep me from working on my book, but I do have to leave the house so that I can really focus. But I usually do that to write, not just when America's Next Top Model is on.

3. Since we got back to Austin after Christmas, I've been working out like crazy, going back to my routine of exercising five days a week, taking off Mondays and Fridays. I've been alternating aerobic workouts with weight training, and hope that soon I will be able to wear the cute clothes hiding in the back of my closet.

4. Tomorrow night is the Ladies of the '80s Sing-Along at the Alamo Drafthouse, which I am SO excited about. It looks like it will be myself, Stace and Jennifer, along with many other 80s-music loving strangers who will seriously feel like our friends by the end of the evening. Based on how much fun I had at the Little Mermaid Sing-Along, it promises to be a great time.

Lord of the Rings...quite a little story, wouldn't you say?

The music, the cinematography, the dialogue, the special effects, the costumes, the creatures, the heroes, the battles, the quest. Fantastic.

I can't watch just one. I have to set aside enough time to watch all three, and vacations are just perfect for that.


Since I am finishing The Two Towers this afternoon, I will leave you with one my favorite pieces of dialogue from the script, between Frodo and Sam. (I found this on the imdb website, where you can find many other quotes, if you like.)

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I think I can...

Most of you know that this summer I took a big step forward in my writing, which was to join a group called the Writers' League of Texas. I went to an annual conference where I met with an editor, and learned about how to approach getting published.

At the conference, I ran into a friend who used to work at Dobie, and she and I have been meeting every two weeks to critique each other's writing. We are both writing young adult fiction, both our main characters are teenage girls, and we're both writing in first person, present tense. Other than that, our subject matter and writing styles are quite different. The great thing is that we're really getting to a point where we're digging into the writing, and pushing each other to revise in certain ways and make the writing really strong. It's fantastic.

It was my original goal to be done with my book by the end of the year. I've always gauged that I wanted to write about 150 pages. Since then, I've learned that in the world of publishing, you talk more in terms of word count, not page numbers. Right now I have 27,000 words, which is 115 pages. Typical YA fiction is between 25,000 to 35,000 words, and I'm still expecting to write several more chapters, so I think I'm right on track.

The exciting thing is that if I work really hard over the holiday, I may still be able to meet my goal of finishing by the end of the year. There's an end in sight, and I'm looking forward to the day when I can write my final page, close my laptop and feel that I created something I'm proud of. And yes, I sometimes broke the rules of grammar, like how I ended that last sentence with a preposition, or started this sentence with the word "and." And that's okay.