Monday, June 08, 2009

Velveeta Shellac & Cheese

Last night I made 43 servings of Velveeta Shells & Cheese.

You're probably wondering, What would possess you to do such a thing? I guess the problem here is that I love kids, and would do just about anything for them. Let me explain.

One, I agreed to teach/organize a Reading and Writing Camp at school from 8-12 every day for two weeks. Read: Postpone glorious summer vacation which every other red-blooded American teacher is already basking in.
Oh yeah, I ended that sentence with a preposition. That's how confused I am at my own decision to teach and organize this camp. I must seriously like kids.
We're even calling it "Star Camp" because that sounds far more enticing than Reading and Writing Camp.

Two, the camp feeds the kids breakfast and lunch. Which is yet another sneaky way to entice them to participate. Food! This also works for adults, now that I think about it.

Three, for the first day of camp, we didn't know how many kids to expect.

Four, we're on a fairly tight budget and we're not allowed to order pizza. Damn legislation.

Five, I expected another teacher to be there helping me, but she won't be here until Wednesday. Which means I can't leave the kids to either make lunch, or go pick up lunch.

So last night, in my own kitchen, I made 43 servings of Velveeta Shells & Cheese. Sure, it took about an hour start to finish, but it was great. It was going to be great. Then I refrigerated two gigantic tubs of the stuff, and it was ready to go in the morning. Right? Wrong.

How long would you say it would take to microwave two gigantic tubs of Velveeta Shells & Cheese? Ten minutes? Twenty? The answer is none. It's not possible. I tried for 45 minutes to reheat the stuff (alternating heating one tub and ice-picking away at the other) and it finally came up to room temperature. In the end, I had to scoop out solidified bits onto paper plates and heat them two at a time. Then, a few students helped to deliver them to the cafeteria where I tend to think they were NOT well received. OK, I never got to see the reactions of the students, because by the time I was done, all but two or three students had already left.

In the end, we served all of ONE of the tubs. I would like to add that when I threw out the remaining Shells & Cheese, it made this terrible sucking sound as it came out of the bowl, and looked like a Velveeta Shells & Cheese jello mold in the trash. Make that Shellac & Cheese jello mold. Tasty.

Tomorrow, we're picking up two deli trays with sandwiches from HEB. They've already been ordered.

If that Shellac & Cheese keeps any kids from coming back tomorrow, I'm personally going to call them and tell them all about the HEB deli tray.


Stephanie Hardy said...

Probably the best entry you've written. LOVE. IT. LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!

I hope you still had kids come back for the camp. I'd come, if I didn't have to work, and if I weren't 30.

amy said...

Thanks, Stephanie! I am in shock to report that every single student came back the next day. Lord knows it wasn't because of the food.
I've since made it up to them with deli trays from HEB with fantastic things like yummy sandwiches, chicken strips and jalapeno poppers.

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