Work coffee etiquette

I realize Emily Post never wrote about how to approach the conventions of coffee at work. But I work with a person (known henceforward as Ms. Aardvark) who really doesn't know the first thing about the social rules of the shared coffee pot.

Exhibit A:


As you can clearly read, you must wait until the coffee is finished brewing before you remove the carafe. Perhaps Wonder Woman or some superhero equipped with superfast speed and agility would be able to remove the carafe, pour a cup of coffee, and replace it before any coffee dripped out and got cauterized on the two-dollar burner. Unfortunately, you, Ms. Aardvark, do not possess those powers. You do, however, have the ability to read. And the signage is clear and concise. You wouldn't choose to ignore it day after day, would you, Ms. Aardvark?

I'd also like to draw your attention to a common container for coffee:



You may also be familiar with this variety, used often when traveling from one place to another:



Some people even choose to use this type of container for coffee, when they want to have a large amount:



You could realistically bring any one of these containers into my room to retrieve some coffee for yourself.

(Although I would accuse you of bogarting if you used the thermos.
And I'd be right.)

What you wouldn't use, Ms. Aardvark, would be a plastic shaker like this:



These containers are typically used for mixing salad dressing, or... well, they're mostly used for salad dressing.

Furthermore, you wouldn't pour the coffee into the salad dressing shaker through the pour spout, causing everyone to wonder if the pour spout were clean, or if you'd in fact, just used it as a sippy cup and thus, spread your germs to everyone in the office.

You wouldn't commit these hideous offenses, would you, Ms. Aardvark?

Oh yes. Yes, you would.

Sickies, SWF, and my theory on why some scary movies are really scary

Nathan is sick-- and so tonight we got right down to business with a Single White Female marathon, thanks to Netflix Watch Instantly.
First, the classic that started it all.


Second, the even trashier, more poorly acted and poorly scripted (if you can believe it) sequel,
bursting with gems like: "It's just so humiliating when you fall in love with someone who sleeps with your roommate."


Up next, the much-anticipated (which neither one of us has seen) Single Black Female.


Yes, all three of these cinema masterpieces can be found on Netflix Watch Instantly.
You're welcome.

In the meantime, I was thinking about how scary movies with a psychopathic killer are really much scarier than slashers or movies with ghosts, zombies or any of the like.
I think it's because we've all met someone in real life who is just unbalanced enough that you get that whole "yep, they could snap at any moment and take us all out with a double barrel shotgun" vibe.
So, I give you some of the true cinema horror classics, all with maniacal killers in the lead roles:


Where we learn that hotelsitting in the blizzard season is a bad idea.



Where we learn that stealing a suitcase full of money is a bad idea.



Where we learn that being rescued in a blizzard by your "Number One Fan" is a bad idea.



Where we learn that stealing an envelope full of money and then hiding out in a run-down, vacant motel is a bad idea.



Where we learn that one psychopathic killer can help you find another psychopathic killer.



Where we learn that you should always be sure to check on the children.


So many of these lessons are related to hotels, stealing money and blizzards. Interesting.
Mmmm. Blizzards.


Something tells me that Nathan would probably go for a Blizzard.
Him being sick and all.

I wish I had more self-discipline.

I know what people say. That if something is important to you, you'll make it happen. That everyone has self-discipline.

I sort of disagree. I mean, I agree with the first part, about making things happen if they're important and all that. But I think there are certain people who are born with a stronger inclination to be diligent or something. Just like people who are naturally more organized. Or naturally creative, or whatever. I swear it's a trait that is hard to foster. Especially when you're naturally lazy.

I have a few vices.

including, but not limited to:
1. spending gobs at Anthropologie.
2. watching crap reality shows like Million Dollar Listing.
3. drinking brandy in my eggnog.

Do you think it's a bad sign that I've indulged in not one, but all of these activities in the space of a single evening?

Oh, and by "gobs" I really mean just my monthly mad money. Not our rent or anything.

The Amy Russell(s) Project

OK, so after a search tonight, I found that there are 89 Amy Russells on Twitter.

Yes, I'm one of them. But that leaves 88 other Amy Russells! (And that's not even counting my lovely little sister-in-law who was Amy Russell long before I was, and she isn't even on Twitter.)

So, I was just thinking I'd follow one Amy Russell a day ....for the next three months. And maybe I'll make some other Amy Russell friends, and put them in their own Tweetdeck column and everything. Maybe eventually, we can even institute an International Amy Russell Convention for all the fabulous Amy Russells all over the world! But, it's a bit early to be talking conventions, right? Let's just start with following one a day.

A big welcome goes out to my first Amy Russell Twitter friend, Amy_EntWined of Encounter Bay, South Australia!

Which Amy Russell will make the cut tomorrow?
This is more dramatic than Project Runway.


Oh yeah.
P.S. If your name is Amy Russell and you're on Twitter, but you're a porn star, I probably won't follow you. Not because I judge you or your life choices, just because I don't enjoy the tweets of porn stars. Nothing personal.


Update: 11/13/09
Welcome to the newest Amy Russell, amykruss of Denton, Texas, who loves herself some cupcakes!

Update: 11/15/09
Welcome to the first girl to get her REAL name (Amy Russell) on Twitter, amyrussell who is quite funny and another Amy Russell, genxflower whose friend request is pending. If she doesn't agree to accept her part in our Amy Russell Project, well... I suppose I'll have to move on to the next Amy Russell, won't I?

Update: 11/16/09
Welcome to another lovely Amy Russell, amyrussel who loves NYC and Russell Brand, the fab actor/comedian/writer.

Update: 12/3/09
As you might have noticed, I haven't updated in a little while. That's because even though there are 88 other Amy Russells out there on Twitter, many of them fall into the category of people that I normally wouldn't follow.

Maybe because they haven't ever tweeted more than once, or maybe because they only tweet about how to make money on social media, or their only hobby is watching cage fighting or whatever. So I've learned a valuable lesson here. Some people may not have anything in common with you, other than your name.
(cue music: "The moorrrre you knooooowwww...")

This morning on NPR

I heard about this fabulous new reality show that's huge in Canada right now.
Get this: they take professional hockey players and figure skaters and team them up to learn routines and compete on the ice.

It's called Battle of the Blades.
If you want, you can hear the segment for yourself here.
Hmmmm.



Sounds interesting.
Sounds entertaining.
Sounds familiar.


Also, did you notice what that says across the top?
Contemporary... classics.
Really, MGM?
Because if The Cutting Edge is considered a Classic, I'm thinking Miley Cyrus deserves a lifetime achievement award. Look into it.

Only my mother would understand

that giving me books, jam, and tap shoes for a rainy day makes perfect sense.

And to think, most people don't even like to be in the same rooms as their mothers.
Jeez, I'm lucky.

The back of the Reese's Puffs box inspired me to make a list.

I love lists, anyway, so it wasn't that much of a stretch for me.
The box has a list of "18 Things to Do Before You're 18."

The list, verbatim:
1. Ride the world's biggest rollercoaster.

2. Bungee jump.

3. Score the winning goal/basket. (Never happened for me, and never will. It's OK that I suck at sports.)

4. Win an award, trophy, or prize.

5. Learn an instrument. (eh... overrated)

6. Go backstage at a gig. (Just be sure to watch your drink the whole time.)

7. Meet your idol.

8. Play a part in your favorite TV show. (How exactly do they expect the young'uns to manage this one?)

9. Meet someone with your own name. (Lame.)

10. Make a discovery. (See note by #8.)

11. Get away with the perfect practical joke.

12. Own a pointless collection.

13. Invent a word that makes it into the dictionary. (Once again, see note by #8.)

14. Conquer your biggest fear.

15. Raise money for charity.

16. Pass your driving test the first time. (Sort of too late for me on this one.)

17. Complete a road trip coast to coast. (Uh. Really? See notes by #6 and #8.)

18. Reach 18 years of age -- yes!!!
(Under #18, it actually says-- a direct quote: "Embrace old age." WHAT?!)

Since I'm the ripe old age of 32, I decided to make my own list of 40 Things to Do Before I'm 40.
But as I was making the list, I realized, it was way too long.
Let's focus. Let's narrow.
So here are the 4 Things to Do Before I'm 40.

1. Get a literary agent.

2. Publish my novel.

3. Go on a book tour.

4. Get healthy/lower my body mass index.

All of those things are totally possible. Maybe even probable. I think first I'll work simultaneously on the health/BMI thing and the getting an agent thing.

I hope that soon I'll be able to say: Done, and done.

Karma is real.

It's true! How else can you explain what happened to me this past week?

About four (maybe five, it's been awhile so I'm not sure) years ago, I had a class of students that loved me. I mean, I've always have some students that love me, but these kids and I bonded like crazy and it was truly beautiful.

At the end of the school year, I was at Starbucks (I know--the shame!) one morning, and I saw this amazing make-your-own-travel-mug thing. Cool!
I bought it with one thing in mind: have my students sign it for me so I would remember this class forever.
It was amazing. It was perfect. It made me happy on sad mornings. It was one of the things that I would consider grabbing if my house was on fire and I had five minutes to grab the really important things.



When school ended, during the first 2 weeks of summer, I ran a
Reading Camp.

I took my cup to school one morning, and then I forgot it. I must have forgotten about it for several days, and when I remembered, camp was over, and I couldn't bring myself to go back up to school-- it was SUMMER vacation. I called the school secretary to let her know, and I figured I might find it around the house, or that if it was at school, anyone would read that it said "Mrs. Russell" about a hundred times on the side, and someone would put it in my teacher mailbox in the office. No one did.

School started, and I searched the conference room cupboards above the sink. I searched everywhere it might be. I had to accept that it was gone. I even tried to tell myself, "I remember the kids and they remember me, and that's enough."

On Thursday, I was cleaning/organizing the teachers' lounge, because it gets really junky. People leave the chairs pushed out, and stray papers on the tables, etc. It only takes a few minutes to make the whole room look much nicer and more inviting. As I was cleaning, I opened up a cabinet, and what should I find on the bottom of it, but my prodigal cup!

There it was!

And because the lid was MIA, and because who knows where that cup had been, the inside paper got extracted, scanned to protect against future loss, and then reinserted into a brand-new beautiful cup.

Ta da!



So, see? Karma must be real, because if I hadn't been cleaning and organizing the teachers' lounge out of the goodness of my heart, I wouldn't have found my beloved, missing cup.

Happy Day!

I just read about this cool project

called Where I Write that shows authors in their creative spaces.
The only way this could be better is if it wasn't exclusive to Fantasy/Science Fiction authors.

And, if it had a fab picture of me in MY creative space.

I'm thinking it would be smart to get Nathan to take a picture of me, sitting at my desk with my laptop, just in case they ever ask me for it. I'll work on that this week.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Update: OK. I just realized that Nathan totally already took a picture of me in my creative space, and here it is:

So I have approximately five recipes that I can make flawlessly.

1. Swiss Gruyere Fondue
2. Baked Oatmeal
3. Smoky Mac & Cheese
4. Blueberry Pudding
5. Roasted-red pepper Hummus

That's it. Anything else in the kitchen, and it might turn out great, or it might turn out really, really not great. Rest assured that if I can make these recipes flawlessly, so can you. I mean, to give you an idea, Rachael Ray's famous 30 minute meals regularly take me an hour to make.

So, I found this hummus recipe in a vegetarian cookbook at the Hastings in Brownwood about 12 years ago, back when we were veggies in college and I was so broke that I sat there and copied the recipe out of the book instead of buying it. Ouch. But the recipe is so good! And honestly, if I knew the name of the cookbook now, I would totally go back and buy it.
I added red peppers for the first time about 5 years ago, and I've never looked back. I'm fairly sure Nathan is responsible for adding the red-pepper part, so thank him.

You'll need:
2-3 red peppers. (At HEB they're on sale for .79 right now!)
3 tbl olive oil
juice of 2-3 lemons
2 med. garlic cloves
1/4 c. or a little more tahini (I warn you: do NOT substitute peanut butter here.)
1 or 2 cans garbanzo beans, drained

1. Preheat the broiler.
2. Line a cookie sheet or two with foil. Cut red peppers in half and take out all the innards. Spray or brush outside with olive oil.
Beautiful!


3. Broil the peppers for at least 15 minutes, until the skins are completely blackened. This might take more like 20 minutes, and that's fine.
These aren't quite there.


Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Done!

Measure 2-3 tbl. olive oil and juice of 1 lemon (this recipe is by no means an exact science, but please watch those lemon seeds-- they are NO good!) into food processor or blender.
Add garlic (the beauty of a food processor is that you don't even have to chop it up) and tahini and blitz until smooth. Drain garbanzos from one can and rinse. I always use a colander to do this.

Add beans and blitz until the mixture is creamy. I literally mix this stuff for like 2-3 minutes. Get it CREAMY! Add a little salt.
By this time, the peppers should be cool enough to handle. Peel off all the blackened skins from the peppers. Tear them into long strips as you add them to food processor. It should turn from a taupey color into a lovely pinky color as you blend it.
Voila!


If the mixture is too dry, add a little olive oil as you blend. When I made this most recent batch, there was quite a bit of moisture from the peppers, so the hummus got kinda too soupy. I just added another can of garbanzos, juice of 1/2 lemon, a bit more tahini, and a little more salt for good measure.
Perfect!

Yummy in a pita or wrap with any of the following:
spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, sprouts, corn, black beans, sauted onions, whatevs.

Delicioso!

In case you didn't know, I love dresses.

This doesn't sound like it should be a problem. But it is. Because most of the dresses I'm attracted to aren't that appropriate for work. Which kind of sucks. I mean, I always set out to find dresses that are both good for work and good for play, but it's not as easy as you might think. If I didn't work with preteens, it wouldn't be so hard. A middle school teacher who shows too much skin is as taboo as a nun who reads dirty paperbacks.

About a month and a half ago, I found this dress at macys.com, and I nearly went straight out to buy it. It had the perfect 1950s shape, with these bright brush-stroke colors.



Then I had second thoughts. I was trying to do better about spending money on clothes that would give me more mileage. Needless to say, I didn't get it.

But TODAY, when we went into Macy's, I was searching through the sales racks, and lo and behold, a light shone down from heaven, and there it was.
It was the only one.
It was just my size.
It was 50% off.
It was perfect.



(Well, I do need to get the straps tailored, because they're a little too big. Other than that, perfect. After tailoring, I'll post a picture of myself wearing it. Or who knows, maybe it'll be in one of Nathan's next photoshoots...)

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Macy's?

I might be addicted to fro-yo.

Tonight we met Kathryn and Rami for a cuppa fro-yo at Yogurt Planet, and honestly, I can't stop thinking it.... Aaarrrrggghhh. (Me impersonating a Homer Simpson drool here.) I have a serious problem. This stuff is so good and so guiltfree that I just can't get enough.



This picture is proof that Nathan hearts fro-yo.

This place is heaven.
(Not a great website, though. All you'll find here are their two locations.)

In my estimation, the best ways to beat the 2009 summer heatwave in Austin are:
1. Eat fro-yo from Yogurt Planet.
2. Hang out in the walk-in, refrigerated, beer cave at IGA, where you'll probably buy beer, which will be great until you see just how many calories are in it. Also, the beer cave is only so big, and doesn't have cell phone service.
3. Go swimming, which is quite fabulous... except when you have students whose family moved in next door and you're a little terrified of the awkwardness of them seeing you in your swimsuit.

SO, in the Celebrity Deathmatch of Best Way to Beat the Heat in Austin, fro-yo from Yogurt Planet wins by a landslide!

Would you like to say a few words to your constituents?

Those hookas and pimps are getting smarter.

I think they mean "get paid first."

Maybe it happened when I turned 30.

Not sure. But at some point along the way, I realized that I like organization. I like tidiness. (That word looks funny....)

Tonight I decided to clean/organize our closet. There was nothing good on TV, believe it or not, and if I didn't act soon, our closet was going to collapse into a black hole and kill someone.

Here was my motivation:


A Pandora radio station started with the Cars' "Just What I Needed" and a beautiful pina colada.

Abigail really wanted to help.

Either that, or she really wanted my colada.

This was BEFORE:

Scary, no?

And then, after much '80s dancing, colada drinking, kicking and screaming and gnashing of teeth, I give you AFTER:

Ta da!!! Maisy was confused, as you can see. Then again, she's confused most of the time.

And best of all, the shoes...

Aaaahhhh. A closet of beauty is a joy forever.


Cleaning the Closet Colada:
Equal parts cream of coconut, pineapple juice and spiced rum.
(1/4 cup is a good starting place, but don't be scared of the half cup, if your closet is extra big and very messy)
Blend with lots of ice until frothy.
Happy organizing!

Actual Conversation

Me: ...(blathering)...I mean, the '50s were amazing! Can you think of anything, other than the unfair treatment of women and minorities, that was bad about the '50s?

Nathan: Well, it was the beginning of consumerism in America.

Me: But that's what was so MAGICAL about it!

HOW did these people get these amazing jobs?

Stacy London and Clinton Kelley, hilarious and talented stylists on
What Not to Wear.


Wes, the guy who started Hey Cupcake!,
a stand that sells scrumptious cupcakes out of an Airstream trailer here in Austin.


I would have said Steve Jobs, the amazing badass Apple
guy, but I've heard that even though he's inspirational, he's a little crazy.


But since Steve Jobs ALSO co-founded Pixar,
the most fantastic animation company of all time, he makes the cut, I guess.



Honorable Mention:

Martha Stewart,
who became famous for being the most spectacular
homemaker in America and therefore
makes more money than most people in America.

Also because she went to jail and came back even more spectacular than before.

Anyone I left off the list?

One day I plan to outfit our dining room with Eames chairs.

You know, those iconic plastic chairs with the "Eiffel" base. Can you believe they're the same design today since the 1948 originals? Amazing!

Vote now for which color you think we should pick:

Blue



Yellow



White



Wire



(For the next few, you'll have to imagine them around a dining room table.)

Black



Orange/Red



Lime Green



You can also read more about Charles and Ray Eames at
Design Within Reach.

I'm so sorry that this post seems like a commercial-- I just have Eames chairs on the brain.

Cable vs. Apple TV

Recently, Nathan suggested that we do something a tad drastic. Wait for it... wait for it...
He suggested that we off our cable.
And then go live in the woods. With bears. Like that grizzly bear guy.




OK, not exactly. He thinks we should off our cable in favor of Apple TV. His cousin Jason and his fab wife Julie recently did this (Correction: although technically they got a Mac Mini), and it reminded him that we talked about this a long time ago, when Apple TV first came out. Why would we do such a thing? Because then we can watch all the good shows that we want without being sucked into all the crap shows that we watch... well... pretty much every single night.
I've enjoyed our couch potato-ness. It's nice. Comfy. But Nathan might have a point. Unfortunately.

Inspired by Kendi's recent post which included the list
Why Macs are Better than Babies.

Reasons we should get rid of cable and hook up Apple TV:

1. Stop watching crap like America's Next Top Model. Wait-- I can probably still see that on Hulu if I really want.... Nevermind.
2. Save money on our cable/internet bill.
3. The TV won't be on night after night, sucking our souls away. We might even be inspired to work on creative pursuits-- like writing, photography, music, etc.


Reasons we should keep cable in lieu of Apple TV:

1. Inspiration for my writing. I'm serious! I recently started a short story about women and fertility after watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey. You think I'm joking.
2. I've been on a Gilmore Girls/All Star Workouts routine for the last 2 1/2 weeks. Which is pretty good-- for me. I'm even recording the shows over to DVD, probably because in my heart I know that we'll soon have an Apple TV.



Hold everything! Does this mean we get a new HD flatscreen to go with our Apple TV? Because I would be so fine with that.

I've reached a terrible crossroads.

Possibly more terrible than the Britney Spears movie. (Which Nathan and I saw at the Alamo Drafthouse as a Mister Sinus Theater, I might add.)

The crossroads has presented me with the following two options:

Option 1 -- Lose weight.

Option 2 -- Buy new clothes.

While I was tempted to enter into option 2 just last night when I swore I heard the bargain-basement sirens of TJ Maxx calling my name, I soon came to realize that the better of the two is really Option 1.

I just don't relish all the hard work. Gilmore Girls workout continues tomorrow.

For me, accents are kind of like sausage.

I never met one I didn't like.

Meet my new personal trainer.

That's right, ladies and gentleman. I give you Lorelei Gilmore.

Every day Gilmore Girls comes on ABC Family at 4:00. Every day I DVR it, and watch it. One hour of my life. Every day. Because I love that show, OK?
Every day, at the same exact time, All Star Workouts comes on the Fit Network. And most of the time, the trainers are really annoying to listen to, because they're always barking orders at you, like, "Keep on moving! Push through the pain!" and that kind of thing.
I would also like to note that generally, if you're watching a show you like, it will distract you from all the hard work you're doing. I also recently read that if you really want to lose weight, you realistically have to workout an hour a day. None of this 30 minute nonsense.
So, my new plan (and I've already been successful, I might add) is to workout every day for an hour while I watch Gilmore Girls. I just put the workout on the tiny square on the TV so I don't have to listen to the trainers, and before I know it, my workout is over. Fantastic! I love the Gilmore Girls Workout.

Isn't it one of the WORST feelings ever when

you're bored and restless, but you're also incredibly lazy? At the same time.

Luckily, I found an absolutely hysterical website, which I highly recommend.
Go here. And enjoy the awkwardness.

Meanwhile, on the Russell Boob Tube:
1. It's official. We're fully hooked on Big Love. I mean, I knew polygamy was fascinating, but I never knew it could be so entertaining. Thank you, HBO. Thank you.

2. Just getting around to watching Top Chef Masters on the DVR. We already love Top Chef, so this is sure to be great. Even though Nathan has already pointed out that the girl is no Padma.

3. Tomorrow night, my absolute favorite show of the summer, So You Think You Can Dance continues, and THIS TIME I hope we don't have any thunderstorms with tornadoes that cause the local weather people to preempt the programming like last week. Seriously. Even if they are giving us "important safety information." Can it, chatty weathermen! Thirty-five minutes is too long to carry on showing us maps of threatening storm patterns. Give us the five minute alert, and then stick to the ticker. I'm only half-joking about this one.